Havent posted in a short while.

So, Friday. It seemed so long ago so lets see what I can remember!:]
Well, I know that we broke up for school for a week (yayyy) so we were in non uniform but I left my stupid art folder in school so i cant do any of the work set:|
In R.E. we watched the first episode of Glee. I have to say now, I am officially hooked. I went home and over the course of the weekend have seen 12 episodes out of the 13 of season one. Only four of these have been on TV as of yet, so I'm well ahead.
After school, I went home to my dad's house and played my guitar some more.
My dad attempted to give me fish for tea (I've been vegetarian for almost 4 years now,) so it didn't go down so well, and resulted in tears and a whole plate of food pilled high in the bin and was nearly sick. Thankyou, Dad.
Saturday, went shopping into macc and got myself a brand new jumper dress. My mum hates it and says its "too short" but Tom liked it and so do my friends so screw her. (love her with all my heart though!)
Sunday, Valentines day. So Tom came to mine and we had a perfect evening falling asleep in my room and watched Planet 51. He got my mum some flowers to make her feel better, which was lovely and cheered her up seen as she's been down alot lately. We ate ice cream and went through about 13080893 different accents. It's been four weeks now - basically a month, and I've been ever so happy ever since:) He got the train home at 11ish and I came home to watch more episodes of Glee!
Today, I was supposed to go into school at 9am ish to finish up on some ICT work. I was knackered though from watching glee till about 2 am and I hadn't done the work anyway and I really could not be arsed, so stayed in bed until 11 instead:)
Got up, had a bath and dossed around for a bit, downloading films and albums/artists and then went to meet Katie in sainsburys for cups of tea and a good chat:)
I miss her, I hardly see her anymore. She's my oldest friend and used to be my bestest, we could practically read each other. But somewhere along the lines we drifted abit. Although I still see her which is good and I hope I don't loose contact with her. We've been friends since we were about 4 and went through primary school together, and then split off to go to different high schools for a year. Until Katie left tythy and came to join in at Poynton :)!
So today was a nice day, sat in sainsburys talking and I realised how much things have changed.
How much I have changed.
And now, I'm not so sure if it's for the better or for the worse. I miss how I used to be, when I could practically wear whatever and not care cause that was my style.
My new friends at high school kinda shaped me a little, I mean, I still like all the stuff I used to, but I've grown more into that crowd now. I love them all though, I just regret changing myself so much.
I think it's time for a re-style. 
Stop wearing jeggins every day and a hoodie and get my style and uniqueness back.
So, as of yesterday, the non-jeggins began.
I wore my new jumper dress (that's like sailor themed, haha) and then today I wore a tight skirt with my over sized top tucked into it.
God know's what I'll wear tomorrow, I think I'll go shopping again, and hunt for some more clothes that can contribute to my new style. And a present for my mums birthday.
Also I'm downloading artists I never gave much thought to. Maybe I should buy myself a band tee?
I haven't been to a gig in a while either.
It's time for change, and to be honest, I'm quite looking forward to it:)

It's just one of those days.

Yesterday I think went rather well. Had an ISA science exam which is like 25% of my GCSE :| but it was actually pretty easy, considering I'm insanely bad at science.
Afterwards we had about 20 minutes of English left... ceebs with that. So me Hannah and Sinead went round the back of sporty until lunch:)
Today was pretty boring. Saw Tom this morning and then went to assembly, which reminds me, I'm yet to hand in my self placement form.
My scarf and bus ticket is ruined from hair spray. My scarf is stiff and immoveable and my ticket is all black from where the words has ran and smudged.
ICT is a bit of a drag, I don't know ANYONE and so I sit there and do all the work. Which is good in the long run, bit boring though, and also I might have to come in on Monday (when we're supposed to be broken up for the holidays :@) to do some extra work that needs tidying up, I also need my mum to fill in a permission slip for this :|.
I got an A- in my most recent English essay, which isn't bad but I'd rather be getting A*'s but hey ho. Other than that, nothing interesting happened.
Went to my English crew at lunch and discussed our film some more. I can't wait to get filming it to be honest!
And as for the counting calories... WELL
I had two buttered crumpets with a cup of tea this morning, then a SMALL mars thing, pasta beans and cheese and then some chocolate when I got home.
I'll count tomorrow?
Ha :)

Hide and Seek

I forgot to include in my daily blog bits about tuesday (duhh on my behalf)

Nothing that interesting happened yesterday, other than I got arrested. :')

Not for real. We just had some knife crime police woman in school for a (disturbing) talk about the seriousness of knife crime.

What the hell is coming to this world, seriously?

Who in their right mind would want to stab someone, make them bleed, take away their life.

It really made me think what a horrible place it is that we live in for things to turn to this. Man using their own tools against one another. Awesome.

As for today I didn't do all that much either. Although I've come to the decision that it's time to start counting my calories again. I've let myself go abit too much o.O

I also picked up my guitar again :) I'm not very good but I'm looking into lessons and I can almost play Birds by Kate Nash.

I also might be getting another job. It'll be around Hurdsfield delivering around 1800 leaflets to houses, which sounds like a drag, but it's only once a month (although it may take a few trips as 1800 is alot of leaflets!) And I get £60 for it. And if all goes to plan, and I eat less at school -(saving money and weight!) , stop using so much credit on my phone, then I could use my school savings and my saved credit to get about and save £60 a month:)

SORTED!

I want to be the inspirer.

I like really inspiring people. Reading things other people have honestly come up with and not just stolen off someone else. I want to be the inspirer not the inspired.
Although I suppose you gotta be a bit of both.
I like learning about things, new things, not neccassarily accedemic stuff. Maths and science don't intrest me. But I like learning about life and studying how we all live.
I like hearing things that I haven't heard before, that add a new thought to my head that I've never thought before. I like the thought of my mind slowly getting bigger and more open and welcoming to new things.
But I don't like people telling me thing's I've already heard.
I mean, like "facts"
not the sort that's like
" a fish has gills." (yes, a well known fact but hey ho.)
but the sort that's like
"you need to do well at your exams."
or
"it's important that you do well in your education so then you're set up for the rest of your life."

That's not fact. Well, I suppose you could say it is. But it's more like guidelines. One's I'd prefer not to follow. I mean, okay so I do want to do good at my exams. But after hearing things like this,
it makes me want to do awful. Stupid really.
"It's my life" and all.
But life doesn't revolve arounds school and getting a good education or good grades. And if it does, it sound's like a pretty poor life to me.
Without getting good grades,
you don't get a good job,
which means you don't get good money,
so you don't get all the stuff you "want" or "need."


Without money you can't get anywhere.
Well, if I donated all my money to charity right now, and sold everything I owned and gave away that money too. I could easily get to the next field and start a fresh. A little camp. My own way of living.

I wonder how long it'd be until someone would take me away from the field?

Well, they can't take away me. They can physically, but not mentally and not in the way that I can just pick myself up and start again. These things, grades, possessions, won't make you a person.
Here's something else that's been told a thousand and one times:
"it's on the inside that counts"
It does, but no one chooses to do anything with it.
When you can see into someone and see how beautiful they are, what do you do with it?
Store some kind of mental respect for them?
Well, I don't want to see someone for who they are. I just want to be able to get out of this cliche where everyone "live's life to the full" because it's not true. Not realistic.
You go to school, you get a good grade, you get a good job, you get good money, you get good stuff and you might be able to see a person for a person.
But still, none of this makes you a person.
So no, not until you can see you for you are you able to live your life to the fullest.
Until you can demolish the fear and knock down this barrier that we all hide behind.
Get shitty grades, don't get a job, have no money, no possessions, stop being able to judge other people, and be able to judge yourself.
I suppose that isn't really living either.
But what is?
Whats a middle way to how things are to how ^ that is?

Understanding that these things don't make us who we are and don't dominate our lives.
We obviously need good grades etc in order to get a fairly good deal in life, but we need to understand not to let this take over.
To not be able to look at someone and how beautiful they are for their appearence, for what they've achieved and so you gain respect for them, no.
I'm not going to tell you what we should do.

Because that make's me just the negative to the positive, the true to the false, the fact to the opinion.

Or vice versa.

All I know, is that we should be happy with what we've already got

instead of getting a Grade A or alternatively a Grade U

or owning a big house in comparison to a small one

Money doesn't grow on trees, and neither does happiness.

You have to work at being happy the way you would working for money.
Maybe one day you'll realise that you can't have both

in a realistic world.

Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack.

Saturday was a pretty good day, actually.
Had a great long lie in and then got my act together and ventured to Poynton to meet Hannah.
Went back to her house to get ready and do ourselves up (in a casual way) and then hiked our way to the bird estate to Tom's party.
Pretty good night, shame I can't really remember what I did in the last hour and a half. I've been told quite a few stories but that doesn't really matter. I sat in an empty bathtub, watching a stranger throw up into the toilet and talked to her boyfriend, managed to cut open my knee on nothing and made "new bestfriends" that I don't know the names of.
Then got a lift back to Katys house and was sick a few times until fell into a good nights sleep.
It's weird that I actually had a good night's sleep and that I awoke at 9am, perfectly fine.
Other than my face, face was a bit of a mess. However, I did it all back up and got ready whilst Katy and Charlotte were still asleep.
After, Charlotte got picked up and me and Katy watched the disney channel for a while until I went to meet Tom by the cobbles at the end of her road.
Had a really good day with Tom :) Spent about 6 hours just attacking each other. And watching a film -(The Princess and The Frog, the new one :D ) whilst he fell asleep.
Until my train rolled up at 7:03 and it was time for me to go home :(
Which I hadn't been to in over 24 hours.

Monday was an unusual day. Sunday night I had heard murmurs and the slamming of doors from downstairs whilst I lay in bed. I was right in my assumptions. No, it wasn't a huge argument, which is why my mother wonders how I guessed the predicament.
My mum and Mark are splitting up. Mark's moving out.
I knew it, before my mum even told me.
They never argue, well, rarely. They actually seem pretty perfect together.
But it's him who is leaving my Mum, and that's that.
I went through a whole school day under this assumption, having been told by neither of them. My mum hadn't been crying but looked like she was broken in the morning. She told me she hadn't slept all night, and she ran to the sink because she thought she was going to be sick. She told me she just felt a bit ill.
I left for school still under the assumtion of mum and Mark breaking up , regardless that Mum told me she was a bit ill, she can't lie to me.
I got off the bus and mum was waiting patiently in the car, looking dredful, but no sign of tears. We didn't exachange much conversation until we got home, where she finally broke into tears and told me her and Mark were breaking up.
We chatted in the kitchen, me sitting on the kitchen counter and mum at the little breakfast bar, a cup of tea each (that we re-heated in the microwave,) and talked about life and the next steps.
I look up to my mum in so many ways. She think's she's let me down, or that she's dissapointed me. She hasn't done either. She's the perfect role model for me and I love her no matter how much we've fallen out this year. Even though I had to go and live with my dad for a short while.
She told me that around this time last year, Mark had said he was leaving then too. And that insecurity never went away all year, which answers to why me and Mum hadn't been getting on lately as she's been so confused and unsure about things.
Well, now it's just me and my mum. The way it always turns out. I hope she find's someone worth while this time, she deserves it so much. She works so so so hard. It's going to be weird going back to my blood family, well, not weird, but not including Mark's family as mine anymore. But I'm kinda used to it. It doesn't get easier, but I know how to handle it.
My dad's girlfriends and their families, my mum's boyfriends and their families... Not that this is neccasarily a bad thing, and I don't want my mum and dad to regret or feel upset that I'm this way. I'm not bothered to say goodbye to another family, because a new one could be just round the corner.
The one that really matters is your own family. Blood family I suppose.
But I wish Mark's family the very best for the future and it would have been nice to be apart of their lives still, but, life goes on. :)

I wrote my mum's cousin (Elizabeth) a letter too. We write letters to each other, which is weird, you would have thought in this day and age we could at least email each other.
But Elizabeth is a bit behind on these. She has some kind of brain disorder, she doesn't take insults and doesn't give them. She has a heart of gold and she is huge. In the nicest possible way. I love her to pieces, but she doesn't take care of herself.
Her mum died at 6 years old , her mum was my grandma's sister, so my Grandma adopted her niece Liz until she was old enough for Liz to move back with her dad - (her dad wasn't fit enought to take care of her after her mums death.)
Sometime last year her dad also passed away. She get's lonely so she writes me. I can tell her anything really, and I don't have to use big words and I can keep things simple and my feelings don't have to be deep or well described for her to understand what I'm saying.
In her letter she sent me a picture of herself that I can put up on my wall. She lives quite far away (Sheffield) but I've met her quite a few times when I was younger , when she was able to get to my Grandma's house in Glossop.
I think my mum misses living in Glossop. I was born in Macclesfield because this is my dad's hometown, and my mum ended up staying here for the sake of it being easier for me and my dad to stay in touch.

My mum's talking about moving away for a few months, and "trying it out" , Australia, Spain, "anywhere."
I don't want to, and I can't anyway because of exams.

Life's such a weird thing.

I wonder if we'll ever figure out it's purpose, because this certainly isn't 'living.'

This is what I'm going to start doing.

I really like this idea:]