You have the right to remain silent,

anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

In a world of nonsense, everything something is, it isn't, everything it would be wouldn't, and everything it wasn't, was.

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack.

Saturday was a pretty good day, actually.
Had a great long lie in and then got my act together and ventured to Poynton to meet Hannah.
Went back to her house to get ready and do ourselves up (in a casual way) and then hiked our way to the bird estate to Tom's party.
Pretty good night, shame I can't really remember what I did in the last hour and a half. I've been told quite a few stories but that doesn't really matter. I sat in an empty bathtub, watching a stranger throw up into the toilet and talked to her boyfriend, managed to cut open my knee on nothing and made "new bestfriends" that I don't know the names of.
Then got a lift back to Katys house and was sick a few times until fell into a good nights sleep.
It's weird that I actually had a good night's sleep and that I awoke at 9am, perfectly fine.
Other than my face, face was a bit of a mess. However, I did it all back up and got ready whilst Katy and Charlotte were still asleep.
After, Charlotte got picked up and me and Katy watched the disney channel for a while until I went to meet Tom by the cobbles at the end of her road.
Had a really good day with Tom :) Spent about 6 hours just attacking each other. And watching a film -(The Princess and The Frog, the new one :D ) whilst he fell asleep.
Until my train rolled up at 7:03 and it was time for me to go home :(
Which I hadn't been to in over 24 hours.

Monday was an unusual day. Sunday night I had heard murmurs and the slamming of doors from downstairs whilst I lay in bed. I was right in my assumptions. No, it wasn't a huge argument, which is why my mother wonders how I guessed the predicament.
My mum and Mark are splitting up. Mark's moving out.
I knew it, before my mum even told me.
They never argue, well, rarely. They actually seem pretty perfect together.
But it's him who is leaving my Mum, and that's that.
I went through a whole school day under this assumption, having been told by neither of them. My mum hadn't been crying but looked like she was broken in the morning. She told me she hadn't slept all night, and she ran to the sink because she thought she was going to be sick. She told me she just felt a bit ill.
I left for school still under the assumtion of mum and Mark breaking up , regardless that Mum told me she was a bit ill, she can't lie to me.
I got off the bus and mum was waiting patiently in the car, looking dredful, but no sign of tears. We didn't exachange much conversation until we got home, where she finally broke into tears and told me her and Mark were breaking up.
We chatted in the kitchen, me sitting on the kitchen counter and mum at the little breakfast bar, a cup of tea each (that we re-heated in the microwave,) and talked about life and the next steps.
I look up to my mum in so many ways. She think's she's let me down, or that she's dissapointed me. She hasn't done either. She's the perfect role model for me and I love her no matter how much we've fallen out this year. Even though I had to go and live with my dad for a short while.
She told me that around this time last year, Mark had said he was leaving then too. And that insecurity never went away all year, which answers to why me and Mum hadn't been getting on lately as she's been so confused and unsure about things.
Well, now it's just me and my mum. The way it always turns out. I hope she find's someone worth while this time, she deserves it so much. She works so so so hard. It's going to be weird going back to my blood family, well, not weird, but not including Mark's family as mine anymore. But I'm kinda used to it. It doesn't get easier, but I know how to handle it.
My dad's girlfriends and their families, my mum's boyfriends and their families... Not that this is neccasarily a bad thing, and I don't want my mum and dad to regret or feel upset that I'm this way. I'm not bothered to say goodbye to another family, because a new one could be just round the corner.
The one that really matters is your own family. Blood family I suppose.
But I wish Mark's family the very best for the future and it would have been nice to be apart of their lives still, but, life goes on. :)

I wrote my mum's cousin (Elizabeth) a letter too. We write letters to each other, which is weird, you would have thought in this day and age we could at least email each other.
But Elizabeth is a bit behind on these. She has some kind of brain disorder, she doesn't take insults and doesn't give them. She has a heart of gold and she is huge. In the nicest possible way. I love her to pieces, but she doesn't take care of herself.
Her mum died at 6 years old , her mum was my grandma's sister, so my Grandma adopted her niece Liz until she was old enough for Liz to move back with her dad - (her dad wasn't fit enought to take care of her after her mums death.)
Sometime last year her dad also passed away. She get's lonely so she writes me. I can tell her anything really, and I don't have to use big words and I can keep things simple and my feelings don't have to be deep or well described for her to understand what I'm saying.
In her letter she sent me a picture of herself that I can put up on my wall. She lives quite far away (Sheffield) but I've met her quite a few times when I was younger , when she was able to get to my Grandma's house in Glossop.
I think my mum misses living in Glossop. I was born in Macclesfield because this is my dad's hometown, and my mum ended up staying here for the sake of it being easier for me and my dad to stay in touch.

My mum's talking about moving away for a few months, and "trying it out" , Australia, Spain, "anywhere."
I don't want to, and I can't anyway because of exams.

Life's such a weird thing.
I wonder if we'll ever figure out it's purpose, because this certainly isn't 'living.'

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