You have the right to remain silent,

anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

In a world of nonsense, everything something is, it isn't, everything it would be wouldn't, and everything it wasn't, was.

Saturday 20 February 2010

Standing in the way of control!

I haven't posted again since wednesday, so:
Thursday.
Went to Amy's ALLL day:') we took pictures, yet again;

I love this girl!:)



Friday, (mums birthday, but she was at work, so-)went to Manchester with Amy. It's great that her boyfriends on holiday, i get to spend loads of time with her again:) Anyway, we trailed around having fun in the early learning centre and build-a-bear and eating a subway and talking about life. She bought Jake some after shave and then Tom rang me and asked me to meet his friends but we didn't have time because we had to get the train.
Got home, and had to get ready rapidly to go to a meal with my mum and her friends for her birthday. Finished watching 'The Invention Of Lying' and ran on over to pizza express and had a good time with my mums friends Ally (and her boyfriend,) Lizzy, June, Kaz and Johnathen and her daughter Melissa :)

Today, after an epidemic at 2am till 4am of one of my friends going missing (which turned out to be a prank- completely not funny as the police were out looking for her and everything!) anyway, got up at around 1 midday and got ready to meet amy at the station at 6 so we could go rollerskating!
It was awesome! I'm not very good at it, but we had help from one of the teachers Leon and me and amy were (in mums words-) "chatted up" by these two other boys who were helping out, but they basically said we were crap, haha! 
Rather good night:)! 

I think I can honestly say I love my life.
And tomorrow I'm going to the cinema with Tom and seeing my friend Danny in the morning, lovely:).


Wednesday 17 February 2010

New outlook on life.


I love changing:)

At slow speed we all seem focused.

Yesterday, I went shopping (yet again) and spent god knows how much on yet more clothes, in an attempt to get my style back and ditch the jeggins and vest tops.
I bought my mum a mascara, chocolates and a card for her birthday on the 19th (and yet to buy her some slippers!)
and then gauged into my own clothes.
I wandered into bank and bought another sailor type short jumper dress, navy and at only £25. Win. I then ventured over to my new favourite shop;
MACVINTAGE!
All full of 80's type style clothes. Tight pencil skirts and baggy print tops that can tuck inside and the old fashioned jackets and checkered fabrics. A juxebox in the corner pumping out 80's songs and pictures in battered frames of Elvis and the beatles and many other inspiring artists.
I bought a print top of a young madonna and a tight navy woollen skirt and also one of these wildlife animal print jumpers.
I spent roughly £51 in there. I love it though!
I'm thinking about possibly asking for a job there. Although I'd probably be buying all the stock.

Today.
Got up at some ridiculous time to catch the 10:20 train to go to Tom's. We made pancakes and sat around on his sofa for most of the day, it was lovely:) Then at 3:30 went to meet Amy and bought supernoodles and hair dye. Dyed her hair like a tinted redish colour which looks nice and then got dropped off home at around 8ish and I'm now waiting for the 13th and final episode to be completely downloaded of Glee to round off a perfect day of seeing my boyfriend followed by my best friend:).


I love Rihannas style here:)

Monday 15 February 2010

Havent posted in a short while.

So, Friday. It seemed so long ago so lets see what I can remember!:]
Well, I know that we broke up for school for a week (yayyy) so we were in non uniform but I left my stupid art folder in school so i cant do any of the work set:|
In R.E. we watched the first episode of Glee. I have to say now, I am officially hooked. I went home and over the course of the weekend have seen 12 episodes out of the 13 of season one. Only four of these have been on TV as of yet, so I'm well ahead.
After school, I went home to my dad's house and played my guitar some more.
My dad attempted to give me fish for tea (I've been vegetarian for almost 4 years now,) so it didn't go down so well, and resulted in tears and a whole plate of food pilled high in the bin and was nearly sick. Thankyou, Dad.
Saturday, went shopping into macc and got myself a brand new jumper dress. My mum hates it and says its "too short" but Tom liked it and so do my friends so screw her. (love her with all my heart though!)
Sunday, Valentines day. So Tom came to mine and we had a perfect evening falling asleep in my room and watched Planet 51. He got my mum some flowers to make her feel better, which was lovely and cheered her up seen as she's been down alot lately. We ate ice cream and went through about 13080893 different accents. It's been four weeks now - basically a month, and I've been ever so happy ever since:) He got the train home at 11ish and I came home to watch more episodes of Glee!
Today, I was supposed to go into school at 9am ish to finish up on some ICT work. I was knackered though from watching glee till about 2 am and I hadn't done the work anyway and I really could not be arsed, so stayed in bed until 11 instead:)
Got up, had a bath and dossed around for a bit, downloading films and albums/artists and then went to meet Katie in sainsburys for cups of tea and a good chat:)
I miss her, I hardly see her anymore. She's my oldest friend and used to be my bestest, we could practically read each other. But somewhere along the lines we drifted abit. Although I still see her which is good and I hope I don't loose contact with her. We've been friends since we were about 4 and went through primary school together, and then split off to go to different high schools for a year. Until Katie left tythy and came to join in at Poynton :)!
So today was a nice day, sat in sainsburys talking and I realised how much things have changed.
How much I have changed.
And now, I'm not so sure if it's for the better or for the worse. I miss how I used to be, when I could practically wear whatever and not care cause that was my style.
My new friends at high school kinda shaped me a little, I mean, I still like all the stuff I used to, but I've grown more into that crowd now. I love them all though, I just regret changing myself so much.
I think it's time for a re-style. 
Stop wearing jeggins every day and a hoodie and get my style and uniqueness back.
So, as of yesterday, the non-jeggins began.
I wore my new jumper dress (that's like sailor themed, haha) and then today I wore a tight skirt with my over sized top tucked into it.
God know's what I'll wear tomorrow, I think I'll go shopping again, and hunt for some more clothes that can contribute to my new style. And a present for my mums birthday.
Also I'm downloading artists I never gave much thought to. Maybe I should buy myself a band tee?
I haven't been to a gig in a while either.
It's time for change, and to be honest, I'm quite looking forward to it:)

Thursday 11 February 2010

It's just one of those days.

Yesterday I think went rather well. Had an ISA science exam which is like 25% of my GCSE :| but it was actually pretty easy, considering I'm insanely bad at science.
Afterwards we had about 20 minutes of English left... ceebs with that. So me Hannah and Sinead went round the back of sporty until lunch:)
Today was pretty boring. Saw Tom this morning and then went to assembly, which reminds me, I'm yet to hand in my self placement form.
My scarf and bus ticket is ruined from hair spray. My scarf is stiff and immoveable and my ticket is all black from where the words has ran and smudged.
ICT is a bit of a drag, I don't know ANYONE and so I sit there and do all the work. Which is good in the long run, bit boring though, and also I might have to come in on Monday (when we're supposed to be broken up for the holidays :@) to do some extra work that needs tidying up, I also need my mum to fill in a permission slip for this :|.
I got an A- in my most recent English essay, which isn't bad but I'd rather be getting A*'s but hey ho. Other than that, nothing interesting happened.
Went to my English crew at lunch and discussed our film some more. I can't wait to get filming it to be honest!
And as for the counting calories... WELL
I had two buttered crumpets with a cup of tea this morning, then a SMALL mars thing, pasta beans and cheese and then some chocolate when I got home.
I'll count tomorrow?
Ha :)

Wednesday 10 February 2010

Hide and Seek

I forgot to include in my daily blog bits about tuesday (duhh on my behalf)
Nothing that interesting happened yesterday, other than I got arrested. :')
Not for real. We just had some knife crime police woman in school for a (disturbing) talk about the seriousness of knife crime.
What the hell is coming to this world, seriously?
Who in their right mind would want to stab someone, make them bleed, take away their life.
It really made me think what a horrible place it is that we live in for things to turn to this. Man using their own tools against one another. Awesome.

As for today I didn't do all that much either. Although I've come to the decision that it's time to start counting my calories again. I've let myself go abit too much o.O
I also picked up my guitar again :) I'm not very good but I'm looking into lessons and I can almost play Birds by Kate Nash.
I also might be getting another job. It'll be around Hurdsfield delivering around 1800 leaflets to houses, which sounds like a drag, but it's only once a month (although it may take a few trips as 1800 is alot of leaflets!) And I get £60 for it. And if all goes to plan, and I eat less at school -(saving money and weight!) , stop using so much credit on my phone, then I could use my school savings and my saved credit to get about and save £60 a month:)
SORTED!

Tuesday 9 February 2010

I want to be the inspirer.

I like really inspiring people. Reading things other people have honestly come up with and not just stolen off someone else. I want to be the inspirer not the inspired.
Although I suppose you gotta be a bit of both.
I like learning about things, new things, not neccassarily accedemic stuff. Maths and science don't intrest me. But I like learning about life and studying how we all live.
I like hearing things that I haven't heard before, that add a new thought to my head that I've never thought before. I like the thought of my mind slowly getting bigger and more open and welcoming to new things.
But I don't like people telling me thing's I've already heard.
I mean, like "facts"
not the sort that's like
" a fish has gills." (yes, a well known fact but hey ho.)
but the sort that's like
"you need to do well at your exams."
or
"it's important that you do well in your education so then you're set up for the rest of your life."

That's not fact. Well, I suppose you could say it is. But it's more like guidelines. One's I'd prefer not to follow. I mean, okay so I do want to do good at my exams. But after hearing things like this,
it makes me want to do awful. Stupid really.
"It's my life" and all.
But life doesn't revolve arounds school and getting a good education or good grades. And if it does, it sound's like a pretty poor life to me.
Without getting good grades,
you don't get a good job,
which means you don't get good money,
so you don't get all the stuff you "want" or "need."


Without money you can't get anywhere.
Well, if I donated all my money to charity right now, and sold everything I owned and gave away that money too. I could easily get to the next field and start a fresh. A little camp. My own way of living.

I wonder how long it'd be until someone would take me away from the field?

Well, they can't take away me. They can physically, but not mentally and not in the way that I can just pick myself up and start again. These things, grades, possessions, won't make you a person.
Here's something else that's been told a thousand and one times:
"it's on the inside that counts"
It does, but no one chooses to do anything with it.
When you can see into someone and see how beautiful they are, what do you do with it?
Store some kind of mental respect for them?
Well, I don't want to see someone for who they are. I just want to be able to get out of this cliche where everyone "live's life to the full" because it's not true. Not realistic.
You go to school, you get a good grade, you get a good job, you get good money, you get good stuff and you might be able to see a person for a person.
But still, none of this makes you a person.
So no, not until you can see you for you are you able to live your life to the fullest.
Until you can demolish the fear and knock down this barrier that we all hide behind.
Get shitty grades, don't get a job, have no money, no possessions, stop being able to judge other people, and be able to judge yourself.
I suppose that isn't really living either.
But what is?
Whats a middle way to how things are to how ^ that is?

Understanding that these things don't make us who we are and don't dominate our lives.
We obviously need good grades etc in order to get a fairly good deal in life, but we need to understand not to let this take over.
To not be able to look at someone and how beautiful they are for their appearence, for what they've achieved and so you gain respect for them, no.
I'm not going to tell you what we should do.
Because that make's me just the negative to the positive, the true to the false, the fact to the opinion.
Or vice versa.

All I know, is that we should be happy with what we've already got
instead of getting a Grade A or alternatively a Grade U
or owning a big house in comparison to a small one

Money doesn't grow on trees, and neither does happiness.
You have to work at being happy the way you would working for money.
Maybe one day you'll realise that you can't have both
in a realistic world.

Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack.

Saturday was a pretty good day, actually.
Had a great long lie in and then got my act together and ventured to Poynton to meet Hannah.
Went back to her house to get ready and do ourselves up (in a casual way) and then hiked our way to the bird estate to Tom's party.
Pretty good night, shame I can't really remember what I did in the last hour and a half. I've been told quite a few stories but that doesn't really matter. I sat in an empty bathtub, watching a stranger throw up into the toilet and talked to her boyfriend, managed to cut open my knee on nothing and made "new bestfriends" that I don't know the names of.
Then got a lift back to Katys house and was sick a few times until fell into a good nights sleep.
It's weird that I actually had a good night's sleep and that I awoke at 9am, perfectly fine.
Other than my face, face was a bit of a mess. However, I did it all back up and got ready whilst Katy and Charlotte were still asleep.
After, Charlotte got picked up and me and Katy watched the disney channel for a while until I went to meet Tom by the cobbles at the end of her road.
Had a really good day with Tom :) Spent about 6 hours just attacking each other. And watching a film -(The Princess and The Frog, the new one :D ) whilst he fell asleep.
Until my train rolled up at 7:03 and it was time for me to go home :(
Which I hadn't been to in over 24 hours.

Monday was an unusual day. Sunday night I had heard murmurs and the slamming of doors from downstairs whilst I lay in bed. I was right in my assumptions. No, it wasn't a huge argument, which is why my mother wonders how I guessed the predicament.
My mum and Mark are splitting up. Mark's moving out.
I knew it, before my mum even told me.
They never argue, well, rarely. They actually seem pretty perfect together.
But it's him who is leaving my Mum, and that's that.
I went through a whole school day under this assumption, having been told by neither of them. My mum hadn't been crying but looked like she was broken in the morning. She told me she hadn't slept all night, and she ran to the sink because she thought she was going to be sick. She told me she just felt a bit ill.
I left for school still under the assumtion of mum and Mark breaking up , regardless that Mum told me she was a bit ill, she can't lie to me.
I got off the bus and mum was waiting patiently in the car, looking dredful, but no sign of tears. We didn't exachange much conversation until we got home, where she finally broke into tears and told me her and Mark were breaking up.
We chatted in the kitchen, me sitting on the kitchen counter and mum at the little breakfast bar, a cup of tea each (that we re-heated in the microwave,) and talked about life and the next steps.
I look up to my mum in so many ways. She think's she's let me down, or that she's dissapointed me. She hasn't done either. She's the perfect role model for me and I love her no matter how much we've fallen out this year. Even though I had to go and live with my dad for a short while.
She told me that around this time last year, Mark had said he was leaving then too. And that insecurity never went away all year, which answers to why me and Mum hadn't been getting on lately as she's been so confused and unsure about things.
Well, now it's just me and my mum. The way it always turns out. I hope she find's someone worth while this time, she deserves it so much. She works so so so hard. It's going to be weird going back to my blood family, well, not weird, but not including Mark's family as mine anymore. But I'm kinda used to it. It doesn't get easier, but I know how to handle it.
My dad's girlfriends and their families, my mum's boyfriends and their families... Not that this is neccasarily a bad thing, and I don't want my mum and dad to regret or feel upset that I'm this way. I'm not bothered to say goodbye to another family, because a new one could be just round the corner.
The one that really matters is your own family. Blood family I suppose.
But I wish Mark's family the very best for the future and it would have been nice to be apart of their lives still, but, life goes on. :)

I wrote my mum's cousin (Elizabeth) a letter too. We write letters to each other, which is weird, you would have thought in this day and age we could at least email each other.
But Elizabeth is a bit behind on these. She has some kind of brain disorder, she doesn't take insults and doesn't give them. She has a heart of gold and she is huge. In the nicest possible way. I love her to pieces, but she doesn't take care of herself.
Her mum died at 6 years old , her mum was my grandma's sister, so my Grandma adopted her niece Liz until she was old enough for Liz to move back with her dad - (her dad wasn't fit enought to take care of her after her mums death.)
Sometime last year her dad also passed away. She get's lonely so she writes me. I can tell her anything really, and I don't have to use big words and I can keep things simple and my feelings don't have to be deep or well described for her to understand what I'm saying.
In her letter she sent me a picture of herself that I can put up on my wall. She lives quite far away (Sheffield) but I've met her quite a few times when I was younger , when she was able to get to my Grandma's house in Glossop.
I think my mum misses living in Glossop. I was born in Macclesfield because this is my dad's hometown, and my mum ended up staying here for the sake of it being easier for me and my dad to stay in touch.

My mum's talking about moving away for a few months, and "trying it out" , Australia, Spain, "anywhere."
I don't want to, and I can't anyway because of exams.

Life's such a weird thing.
I wonder if we'll ever figure out it's purpose, because this certainly isn't 'living.'

This is what I'm going to start doing.

I really like this idea:]

Saturday 6 February 2010

Scrolling through highly opinionated youtube users.

Sometimes, the comments on the videos are alot more powerful than the actual video.

"You're so right, and there are no alternatives to living life how you might want to, we're forced into this world of taxes and credit and consumerism because this is it!
I wish there was something different, it's a cruel world we're living in, full of distractions, it's no wonder crime is getting worse, we're forgetting whats important, and that's whats on the inside, nothing we can buy will ever make us happy. "



And then obviously, there's the non believers.
"chaos would reign without some form of conformity. people would do what they whatever they please. you probably would'nt even be able to talk about this subject. the system which allows us to evolve would crumble and all evolution as we know would disappear from our minds. we can create ourselves in a positive direction with the tools we have been given. but if we discarded the tools completey it would be nature, our minds would rule our bodys in a very bad direction. "

This person has a vague idea though. If all we knew about how we're living today disolved from our minds, then yes we could create ourselves in a positive direction with the tools we have been given and so by taking the tools away it would be nature.
Our minds would rule our bodys
but I disagree, I don't think it'd be in a bad direction.
I think the human mind is powerful and eager to learn, and therefore not bad at all.
There are more "bad minded" people in the world currently
and that's because of the way things are, right now.
So to get rid of these things,
then the bad ideas would stop ?

We won't know until we try though.

Choose choose choose.



I don't want to have to choose anything.
I just want to be free ? D:

Patricia Cori.



What a truely, inspiring woman.

Friday 5 February 2010

Nothing like a bit of banksy to get the point across.


Freedom is NOT real.

Okay, so here's something I feel strongly about. Peace, love and freedom. All have the ability to exist, but it doesn't;
Humanity, defined:
“The quality of being humane.”
But not all of us are humane.
People fight, kill, steal, take. Is that humanity?
Without walls, police, laws, Government, politics... would all the fighting happen?
Would there actually be such chaos as we're made to believe?
No. No because this is the way humanity has evolved. Rebelling one another. Because of the walls, police, the laws, the Governent and the politics. We are led to believe that without these laws, the orders, the world would be unhappy, chaotic, uncontrolable. 
But it is not human nature to fight and hurt, so surely, left to our own devices (in certain circumstances when money has no value,) then humanity would be restored and fighting no more. 
But we have this desire, this materialistic greed to feed ourselves full of things, possessions that we don't NEED. Convinced that we want them... Do we really have that desire? Or are we fed it, brainwashed into wanting it. 
If we didn't thrive for such greed, then no one would fight.
For one, you wouldn't want the possessions, it wouldn't have a value to you.
So most certainly, you wouldn't want to fight for the possesions. 
Everyone would be equal, everyone would love their neighbour. And so commense the peace. 
But we're not  equal. 
We're living in a matrix. We are told;
  • What we like,
  • What we don't/shouldn't like
  • what we 'need'
  • what we 'should avoid'
We're stuck in this rat race. A life that to be honest, I don't see much point in.
Why do we buy things that we don't necassarily need. A TV, a laptop, a car, an ipod, a mobile phone... we can live without all of these things.
We are told what we need, what we want. These being the examples.
What about those before us, our ansestors, did they have a HD ready TV equipped with blueray DVD? Was their ipods pocket sized but able to hold all your favourite songs?
Maybe these are things to pass the time. Pass our lives away.
Just stuff to do. 'Entertainment'
Keep the human race occupied, satisfied.
We all do it. Right now, why are you reading this? wasting your time! your life!
Why am I wasting mine?
Why do we have different opinions?
The mind is a clever thing. Apparently there are parts of it we simply do not understand. But do you ever have the days where you can just fall into trance, thinking. So deep the noise around you fades out, it's just you and world and you're free to think what you want. In your own head; the why’s and what if's and scenarios of your favourite fantasies.
We don't know why we think these thoughts, but we do, and we can't stop them. So, I can't help but think there's more to life than this.
Than getting up every morning, getting dressed, doing hair, makeup, eating breakfast, going to school, working, coming home, going to sleep, then doing it all again.
I suppose all the in betweeny bits make it bareable.
It's so easy to get caught up in this clique.
All the energy we have that goes to waste. Humanity is slowly falling, so much so that we don't fit the description, the definition.
We should be doing something productive, not destroying one another. Not scoring points. Not portraying ourselves as something we're not.
Dying our hair, painting our faces, following fashions, idolising people who are the same as us- but appear on the TV and the papers.
Education and schooling are two different things. We're made to believe that school does good, teaches you and sets you up for the rest of your life.
But you shouldn't let this schooling ruin your education. Education never ends, learning everyday, about yourself, about life and the future and defining who you are. We're programmed from an early age, so is it vertially impossible  to convert 'back'. I say 'back' because I don't know if we ever were free, but it sound's like it to me.
Everybody's clever, some are just ignorant to see this. No qualifications or grades can tell you that you're not. A grade can't tell you how clever your mind is. So why the hell do we accept such crap?
We're watched by CCTV , WATCHED. And yet we're told it's for our own good. It's for our protection and safety against each other.
Putting the thought into your head
that we must be dangerous.
Either that we already ARE dangerous, or just provoking us to be dangerous.
We believe complete strangers on TV. We obsess, idolise and follow people who are just as mundane and stuck as us. We pay money just to be alive! Just to "live."
To live.
"To enjoy life/to lead a particular type of existance."
We're not living, we're alive. We have a heart, a mind, a soul but we're not living.
We're trying to improve our own humanity by trying to learn from mistakes. You can only learn from your own mistakes though. But still, generation after generation, we try to improve styles of living. Or being alive anyway.
And for what exactly?
Why are certain people who are alive just like us, have more power? Are more superior?
Controling us, telling us what to do. And through fear, we obey.
We have to obey, we're scared of the consequences!
Scared to be put behind bars and locked away...
Look around, aren't we already put behind bars and locked away?
Our own souls can't escape, trapped by walls and distracted by misleading advertisements.
And the worst part is,
we're tricked into thinking we have a choice of freedom!
If we ever had even a slight choice to be free, then why is no one free?
We're thrown into this greedy world as soon as we're born.
Rules that you must obey. Wear clothes!
they say, you must wear clothes.
And by giving us the choice and freedom,
they give us fashions. Different types of clothes to experiment with our individuality.
Go to school!
And so, the choice of heaps and heaps of schools are presented before you. So much choice, where to go? !
It suddenly becomes okay. Fashion and choice of schooling seems okay now. But that's not all. Everything obeys this rule, just look around.
There was, once upon a time,a life without money, before cars and programmed people. Brainwashed. Well now, we're starting to realise. To wake up, where the hell have we been? And why are we doing these things?
But then we ignore it.
It's too late to change all these things now. So I'll go to school.


I'll get a good grade and carry on my education, get a job, get a house, a car, a partner, children and live
'happily ever after.'
Bet that isn't the first time you've heard that. Do you believe it?
Like really believe it, that in this world you can have happy endings?
This is so normal to us now, that the thought of change frightens us. We don't know any else than all this that we're told, brought up with. So we continue to eat up the lies, lie to ourselves until it becomes so convincingly real.
But we need to make a change, you want this to go on forever? 
You think you're happy? Like this? Told to be happy. Routined, prgrammed, made, designe into this society thinking you're happy. But you know that happiness isn't a lie.
You can feel how it feels to be happy. You just know when you're happy.
So look outside, do you feel a gush of happiness. Content with your life and how it's going?
Imagine life without the walls and the darkness, indulge in fields of freedom and true true happiness. No, I'm not asking for all that hippie stuff with vans and peace signs and over loving one another. Just for what makes you happy. Beyond imaginable. Your friends and family gathered together? Or all these material possessions.
Big houses, posh cars, laptops, phones, success, friends, family, love,food, water, sleep, TV, your favourite show, music, games, socialising, chocolate, drinking, smoking, drugs.
All of these you can put in categories; the 'essentials' , the 'wants' , the 'needs' , the illegal (and the legal) what you like, what you dislike.
Ever noticed though,
that the majority of people,
would put (most) of these things under what they like.
You all like the same thing.
We, all like the same things.


So, why is this then?

Well, think about how they're advertised.
Big houses for example are assosiated with good, free and a happy life.
Drugs for example are assosiated with bad (people,)unhappiness, and all things dark and gloomy.
This is because you're made to think this way. Brought up in a world of false advertising.
A false sense of security.

Going back to the 'dangerous' point earlier;
..."that we must be dangerous.
Either that we already ARE dangerous, or just provoking us to be dangerous."
So, there is a point in every human's life where there is a rebellious point. If we are provoked, then such things that are portrayed as bad suddenly become appealing. So, when we have our 'rebellion' our automatic reaction is to take these bad things (ie drugs, drinking..) as a "FUCK YOU SOCIETY" or just to get some realisation. Maybe to try and have a good time, to ease any pain that for some unfortunate reason your life might have.  And for many other reasons.
This is you, reaching out.
But you are told you are bad, and you need help.
You do need help, but in different ways. You need to understand what you're mind is telling you. Why are you trying to rebel against what you've been brought up to believe is bad?

There is no god, say some. And some say there is.
The religious people and the non religious all have this faith.
Religious have faith, beliefs. They follow and are misled.
Non-religious also have faith, they believe NOT to believe. They follow each other and are also, misled.
See, even those who dont believe are categorised. Their own beliefs are not to believe!
So, there is no such thing as "not believing" anymore.
So please tell me, believers and non believers of this democratic country, tell me why do you choose to believe anything?
Believing in lies, happiness and beliefs.
Why do you live, day in, day out, obviously thinking that you're living with freedom, or, at least, thinking that if you wanted to - you could live with freedom.
That if you wanted to, you could pack up the neccesaties you need to survive and live in a field in the middle of no where.
That isn't freedom, that's just avoiding.
But, if you still believe that if you wanted to be free, then you would be.
So why aren't you?
...Do you not want to be free?



What about those who know that you're not free. You know that the concept of freedom is in fact the choice of enslavement. You know, deep down, something isn't right. But you feel there's nothing you can do to change it? Or if its worth changing.

Well, happiness is worth alot.
So, think of the things that we believe make us happy.
What makes you happy?

Think of these things again. Really think.

Now, think about what I've said.
About the things that we THINK make us happy,
aren't they just lies?
advertisements?
that are just penetrated into us so much that some how, some where the lie started to be convincing enough to be true?
the things that we like, think that these could actually make us sad
everything is lies
we're forced to think this way.
so we can all form together
but we are spoilt with choice
to make us think we are free
when we are not.

So if there is to be a revalation, a change.
Then a big difficulty, is to over come what really does make us happy.
There is no point in being free, if we are not happy.
Because then it is better to be stuck in an unfree environment- but at least be so convinced that we're happy that it's not far from the truth anymore.



And what about the truth? How are we going to defy the lines between the truth and the lies?
What will we gain from being free?
Just the satisfaction of winning to be ourselves?
Will we ever understand our conciousness?
Will we find out why the human race is really here?
Will we all talk and walk in the same footsteps and lose our opinions or will it start all over again?
And what about those who prefer the structured life. The rules and being told what to do by people who are no superior to them, but somehow have all the power.


But just think;
If we were to be free, how would it feel?
If all wars stopped,
no fighting,
just love
and peace
and time isn't strained upon us
to come home and go to sleep and get up
time doesn't matter
only when the stars appear will we know that we've passed another day.
Who knows what this could feel like.
Indescribable?
Maybe the word's haven't been invented, and maybe they never will.

But that's okay, I'm not asking for you to believe me. But why do you believe all these others and not me? Has not one word of this reached out to you?
If it hasn't, why have you wasted such time reading it?
If the words didn't grab you, relate to you.

We need to demolish this wall of fear that people have built for us. But there isn't the evidence of the whereabouts to this wall. But we are all aware of it.
Do you ever get a kick out of rebelling against society?
Writing on the walls that close you in.
Arguing with police officers- why're they against you? they're human too?
We're all humans.
We are all equal.
But we are not.
Lets restore humanity.







If you have had any of the thoughs that I have expressed, then doesn't that prove something?
Okay, I might not be right with any of this,
I might not be wrong either.
Maybe there isn't a wrong or a right. But there has got to be something, that you agree with.
Or can vaguely see where I'm coming from. I'm sorry for wasting your time otherwise.



Wednesday 3 February 2010

False Imagery.

Why does the media put across such ideas of "perfection" though?
So things sell better?
Or do they enjoy getting all the stick for it?

I think it's a bit of both.

I hate society

Why is no one free? :(

Lego Steven Hawkins


Pure genious?

Tuesday 2 February 2010

night, street, lamp, drugstore.


Literal translation adapted from Wikipedia:

Night, street, lamp, drugstore,
A meaningless and muted light.
Live another quarter century -
All will be thus. There's no way out.

You'll die -- you'll start again from the beginning,
And all will repeat, as before:
Night, icy ripples on a canal,
Drugstore, street, lamp.

I thought this was adorable :)


No sympathy when shouting out is all you know.

So, today. Quite a successful day on my part. Got up at half 6, felt a bit unwell so went back to bed and was later awoken with a steaming hot mug of tea and my sympathetic mother.


Didn't really do much else,  backed my spanish and history book, which is two things I can tick off on my whiteboard.



In about two hours or so I have to sort out my work experience, which involves going round to some guy's house and filling out forms and whatnot. I'm hoping to "work" in a photography buisness for the week. Probably just brewing up, which in all honesty, isn't bad. :)  

Monday 1 February 2010

The dog days are over!

This was me today.
We had to get our last batch of vaccinations, DTP? something, tetnus and polio.
I'm petrified of injections, not needles. Needles that pierce your ears don't scare me. They don't have dead cells in them that float around your body.
Anyway, I had to have an earlier appointment (at 10am) than the usual lot, so, as I was stood in que with 5 other nervous girls...I was  actually wishing I was back in chemestry
(Hah!)
Other than my traumatic start to the day (yes, traumatic,) it was quite a good day. The bus was late picking us up to take us to school, (which I was loving at the time, in hope that it would happen to roll in past 10 so I could completely avoid the vaccination,) however, no such luck. Mum "came to the rescue" and bombed round the corner to give me, Beth and Sasha a lift.
Chemestry, history, english, ICT and PSHE.
Couldn't you have just saved me this once mum?
English isn't so bad. I just sit next to a complete...well to be honest, physcopath.
History was fine though, everyone was wandering in and out having their vaccinations, looking at me to tell them "its fine"  or "it doesn't hurt at all!" before they go, (seen as I'd already had it before them.) Instead, I smiled sympathetically and said

"aw, it's not too bad.. I mean, you don't bleed thaat much."
And of course, they all loved me for that:)

Formspring.

Two part question here: Is it true that all matter is simply energy condensed to a slow vibration? Or are you a proponent of string theory? Also, could you explain the quartian aspect of quantum mechanics in relation to general relativity for me? Thanks.
Yesterday Delete Your Response


Okay so who the hell would ask me that?
Really, don't get formspring.
It slowly kills you inside and eats you alive, all these people posting anonomous posts, please go away.. But I'm too intrigued to know as to who you could be now :(

:$

This face sums up my life.
Although, I hardly ever blush.

Saturday 30 January 2010

Things I love.

1. Moisturiser.

2. Cups of tea.

3. Laughing with best friends.

4. Boys that look like this.


5. Individual people. 
6. Eccentric people ! 


7.That new book smell.
 

8. Going to gigs (preferably small ones, or ones not many people have heard of.)

9. Knowing all the words to a song/film


10. Going on a bus or train and not knowing where it might take you.
 11. Long car journeys.
12. Meeting new people and instanly getting on with them. 

13. Seeing graffiti as art.  

14. When you first buy makeup and its untouched. 
15. The smell of freshly washed clothes.
16. Inspiring people who make you want to make a difference.

 17. When you find a bargain on something that looks awesome.


20. Really big apologies.

 
21. Saying those words and meaning it.
  
22. People who use big words in sentances.

23. people who dress nerdy and people who are nerdy!  

 
24. Dressing up!
25. the quiet minded type        
 26. people watching
27. wanting to be able to read minds

28. getting lost in a book

29. decorating your bedroom wall with photos or things people have given you.

30. not having all the fancy stuff, but the stuff that does the job.

31. Old perks
 32. Completing a rubix cube.


33. Being organised in a messy room.

34. Knowing your friends house like your own.

35. Being a vegetarian.

36. Having a dream and then fulfilling it.


37. Learning to play an instrument.

38. Cutting your own hair when the hair dressers mess it up.

39. Sitting and watching time pass you by.

40. Plain background pictures.




41. hot bubbly baths with candles

42. Talking to animals and thinking they understand.